decisions, decisions

all my life i have been fearful of very few, distinct things. spiders, men who don't understand social distance, and... spiders. it has been up until recently that these fears have never expanded or deflated... but now, i have added one more item on to that list. the future. 

since i was a freshman and possibly my entire life, i have always been a planner. whether it be for just the next hour or next decade, i had a plan. in elementary school, make friends & do your homework. in middle school, pass your standard exams & keep your friends. in high school, excel in everything and get into college, and for me that college has always been virginia tech. and i rarely looked any further passed that. 

after taking a few fashion marketing classes and always being one that took what i wore very seriously, i looked into apparel programs across the east coast and conveniently, the one at tech captured my interest the most. may it be the smaller program, which i love, or seeing pictures of clothing sewn from students currently attending across the walls... i immediately knew there was no place else. 

but, like i said, i had only gotten that far. i knew i wanted to be an apparel student... but i wasn't entirely sure what i wanted to do after being an apparel student, and i still am not. but when i joined virginia tech in august 2008, it didn't concern me. but now, as i research internship after internship, try to connect dot to dot, i seem to have lost that long lived plan i had for myself. 

so the question is... what do i do? do i do what brings the most money or what i enjoy? do i try to be compromising and meet somewhere in the middle between enjoyment and finances? do i even have an idea of what i enjoy? 

recently, i made the decision that i would love to make a career out of writing. but unfortunately, it will be very unlikely that writing for a magazine, especially a fashion magazine, will be my next step. so, here i am... wondering where my next step will be. what move to make next... do i stay comforted in the city i've called home for years and take a paying internship here or do i break my roots for an experience that could very well be a disaster but equally be one of the best summers of my life? and as i know many of you sit there and may think, this is such a simple decision given those relative to the "real world," but for me, a girl who is split between being a homebody and wanting to constantly break out and do something extraordinary, i am caught at a major catch 22. 

and as much as i wish i could give you a conclusion with this post... i can't. so like all the best stories, this is to be continued. in a new year, with a positive, new direction. 

{my apologies for the lack of photos... it is a resolution to take more in 2011!}